Heute hab ich, nachdem ich ein Treffen mit meinem Vater vergessen hatte, das hier geschrieben:

I’ve got to get a grip. There’s always something slipping my mind. It seems so wobbly and jelly-ish most of the time. Everyone wants to have a try from the pudding and then at some point it collapses.
I wish I was more stable and reliable. I so can’t stand myself when this happens. I feel so stupid when I let people down. Probably I am more disappointed of myself then they are at that moment…

Possibly they get used to it somehow. Something I don’t want to happen. It hurts when I realize that it already did.

My mind is just a messed up piece of string… all tied up in knots and lubes…It’s easy to get lost in there.

So today failing to pack a stupid bag of laundry made me cry….
Imagine string and jelly together… what a mess.

Damn. I want a structure in my life.